....If your pastor stands up in the pulpit and says "We need a new Pentecost."
or "Vatican II unleashed a new Pentecost for the Church".
If Wanda Sue, the daughter of the church secretary suddenly appears in a leotard and begins leaping and twirling up the the center aisle. If it's a flesh colored leotard, run screaming.
If your pastor refuses to speak about abortion because he doesn't want to offend the openly and loudly pro abortion but quite wealthy parishioner who is paying for the church's new roof.
If the deacon stands up and does a Jay Leno imitation instead of giving a homily.
If your priest tells you in Confession that IVF is okay.
If you go to a parishioner party and see your pastor sitting in a hot tub with a woman-- oh hell, if you go to a church function and see Father sitting in a hot tub, period. And doesn't matter if he's wearing rash guards or Speedos.
If a lady in a polyester pantsuit-- the Mother Superior of an order than used to exist in your parish and who is visiting her old stomping grounds--- gives the homily.
If a priest tells you not to kneel at Mass-- ever.