birthday weekend

For my birthday Rocky and I went to Williamsburg. We stayed in a lovely B&B in Charles City, VA. It's called Orange Hill and we liked it so much I'm gooing back next year. I am now the same age my father was when he passed away. That feels strange, first because I never thought I'd live this long. Probably becasue of the shock of my father's passing ( I was a shy sensitive girl before he died but after he died I was a shy, sensitive, horribly anxious and depressed girl) and probably because his oldest sister died in her 20s, his youngest sister almost died at 30 , his middle sister has been suffering for years and his niece died at 13.


There's a scene in the movie Camille where the hero shows her a painting of his mother and tells her that his parents have been married for 30 years. Camille sighs and says no-one will love her in 30 years because she couldn't live that long anyway. I felt that scene intensely.

I feel a new closeness to my father, an understanding. He was my dad of course but now I have a glimpse into what may have been on his mind that last year. We're both 42. Amazing. Simply amazing.


Eternal rest grant unto him, oh Lord, my God. Let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace.