Saturday, January 07, 2017

When the poisons in the mud hatches out....

I  should not have to say this but in case anyone reading this doesn't get it: out of wedlock motherhood is not the same as being a divorced mother or a widow. This choice comes with a whole basket of social pathology.

Back in the 60s and 70s black women were told that they didn't need one particular  man and that things would be better financially if they didn't marry their child's father and instead relied on everybody else's man in the form of welfare.  I have one relative with five out of wedlock children who in our 20s made more money from welfare than I was making from going to work.  One of her daughters has already had a child out of wedlock and is continuing the sad cycle. Single motherhood was put on a pedestal and mothers who never married or even maintained a relationship with their children's fathers were treated as heroines. You were roundly criticized if you dared say anything against it. The fact that Mommy's boyfriends frequently abuse her children was ignored by everyone but police officers, and emergency room medical personnel. Eventually people couldn't ignore it but shrugged their shoulders because it had nothing to do with them.

When white women began choosing to have children without marriage the "You Go Girl," culture sprung up. Movies, TV, and the Internet all celebrated Mom and condemned worthless, wicked Dad. All the family's hardship was Dad's fault and nothing--ever--- was Mom's fault. If you go to Pinterest or Tumblr or Facebook you will see a celebration of single Mom but you probably won't see too many posts on what's like to have your mother's boyfriend molest you or what it's like to find yet another strange man at the breakfast table on Saturday morning. You don't find too many memes on what it's like to live with relatives because your mother's new husband doesn't like you or what it's like growing up watching your mother with her new man and their kids and feel like you are always on the outside.. A lot of kids born in the 90s and aughts grew up like feral cats and for the most part, until they commit crime Americans either don't care or are too cowed to say anything. The problem is not just in the cities. I know a woman who was a foster mother in a small Southern town for many years. She saw some horribly damaged kids and they mostly came from single mother led homes. The human monsters who kidnapped and tortured a mentally impaired 18  year old in Chicago this week probably grew up in  households without fathers or even dedicated grandfathers. This does not excuse them, they did a disgusting thing and they must pay for it but don't be surprised by this crime. The poisons hidden in the mud always hatch out eventually.

1 comment:

newguy40 said...

"Eventually people couldn't ignore it but shrugged their shoulders because it had nothing to do with them."

Thanks. I think this is a good point. I know that in my work place many many folks are co-habitating and having children out of wedlock. My boss a lapsed Catholic had a baby with his "fiance". I could have done a better job as a witness but didnt from my lack or respect for him.