Tuesday, December 24, 2019

How to Survive Midnight Mass as a Visitor

  1. Feed the kids. Make the little one's take a nap. Don't expect a tired toddler who's off his schedule to act like a cherub. Provide them with liquid and then take them all to the bathroom before Mass.
  2. Get to Mass early. Sit down. Do not go into the narthex  and socialize or your spot on the pew won't be there when you get back.
  3. If you have climb over people in the pews the saints will let it go but the regular ones will give you the stink eye.
  4. No. Nobody wants to scoot over so you can fit in if you arrive late. Sorry.
  5. EWTN does commentary throughout for big TV Masses. You don't need to. If you need to explain to your brother-in-law who has come to Mass for the first time, do so  quietly.
  6. Unless it is a service dog do not bring your pet to Mass. I know he's cute and he probably is better behaved than most of the kids but no, that's not right.

  7. If your teenager demands to come to Mass in a strapless dress that comes down to her thigh, yes people are going to look.

  8. If your teenager is angry and behaves rudely don't spend the entire Mass angrily hissing at her or you'll become bigger distraction than you realize-- yes I have seen this.

  9. Remember, real life is not a Hallmark movie. Smell the incense. Calm down. Close your eyes. Rejoice, for Christ has come.