requiem

Today is the anniversary of my father's death. He was 42 years old. Mama was 40. I was 13. I had a glow in the dark rosary and it was my only comfort. In the days and months after his death I started saying the rosary every night for his soul. Those were horrible days and I've never forgotten the feeling that Mary was right there with me each night. I was a very shy, highly sensitive, anxious child and the shock of my father's sudden death was almost too much to bear.

I was terrified that my mother would die and for months I would freak out if I didn't know exactly where she was. I was terrified and of the insecure feelings that overtook me, so I did my crying in private. I was stoic, quiet and as controlled as a Vulcan. Looking back I know that wasn't healthy.

I didn't want my mother to worry about me-- she had so much to deal with and I didn't want to be another problem so I said nothing about my fears. It's funny how when you are backed up against the cross that you get closer to God. When daddy is never coming home, when the baby dies, when the telegram from the Dept. of Defense comes, when the hurricaine blows the house away---- when there is no-one for you prop yourself up with and nothing to distract you from the pain --- then you realize that your suffering is "only the shade of His Hand outstretched caressingly."

Oh daddy, daddy, daddy, how I miss you, if I should forget you, may my right hand forget what it's supposed to do.

Dear God, let him rest in peace.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;Lord, hear my voice!Let your ears be attentiveto my voice in supplication:
If you, O Lord, mark iniquities,Lord, who can stand?But with you is forgiveness,that you may be revered.
I trust in the Lord;my soul trusts in his word.My soul waits for the Lord,more than sentinels wait for the dawn.More than sentinels wait for the dawn,let Israel wait for the Lord;
For with the Lord is kindnessand with him is plenteous redemption;And he will redeem Israel from all their iniquities.A partial indulgence is granted to the faithful, who piously recite the psalm Out of the depths (Ps 129).